Christine Garvin 0:02
Hey, everybody, welcome to this week’s episode of hormonally speaking, I am really pumped to chat with my guest today about a subject that you know, if you’ve listened to the podcast before is very dear and near and dear to my heart, which is the underlying trauma that impacts our health, right. So, so many of us, I have clients that will not even necessarily recognize that they have trauma, whether that’s from their childhoods, whether that’s what we call Big T trauma, or little T trauma. And really, when you’re doing kind of, quote, unquote, all the right things to help balance out your hormones and things aren’t shifting and changing. A lot of times, this is the missing component that we’re overlooking, or maybe are scared to step into, right, because it certainly takes some commitment and some work to go through that. So we’re gonna be talking about all about that today with today’s guests, who is Kelly, Kristen, and she is a life and relationship coach, Clinical Hypnotherapist best selling author, host of the worshipped woman podcast, and creator of the ice healing method. She was named one of the top female life coaches to look out for in 2021 by Yahoo. Her specialty is in working with women who have been in toxic relationships to heal, rise into their personal power and become a woman who thrives. You can find her at on IG at Miss Kelly. Kristen. Welcome, Kelly.
Kelly Kristin 1:28
Hi, thanks so much for having me.
Christine Garvin 1:31
So excited to talk about this stuff. Because, you know, as I just mentioned, as we talked about, right before we got on the podcast, this is such an overlooked, but also people are really kind of nervous to step into trauma, right? And whatever that looks like and can easily say, Well, I’ve either I’ve worked on that, or I don’t really have any, you know, so can you sort of speak to how trauma impacts our hormones, our health and all these ways and what the differences between like little and big traumas look like?
Kelly Kristin 2:07
Sure, yeah. So I think it’s important, everybody, like everybody has trauma in in some way. Like none of us get out of life unscathed. Sorry to say, you’ve had the most perfect, perfect, beautiful upbringing. And everything’s been good, because, you know, there’s sort of a misconception around trauma, still, I think we’re getting better at it. But the misconception is that all trauma is like that big T trauma. You know, we think about severe abuse, we think about something really bad happening, like these overarching terrible things happening, you got in a terrible car accident, you know, you had this upbringing where you were abused, that’s big T trauma, and we can all recognize that. However, trauma really is any time that you your system basically gets activated. So something happens, you get activated, you go into like a sympathetic fight or flight response in your nervous system, you have these overwhelming emotions, and then you are not actually supported within your own system, or within whatever that system is around you to be able to resolve those emotions and have them come back down to like a safe and connected place inside of your nervous system. What ends up happening is we stop the emotion, we’re in the height of it, and we go, I can’t handle this. So I’m going to do something else, or I can’t handle this. And you know, it’s fine, I’m fine, everything’s fine, or whatever,
Christine Garvin 3:25
Kelly Kristin 3:29
And what happens is that energy gets stuck in our bodies. That’s trauma, that’s trauma. So when you think about that definition of it, like, you know, I kind of wish sometimes maybe we had a different word for it. Because I think that, again, when we think of trauma, we think of something really big and huge. But it’s really just the fact that you had this heightened response in your nervous system, you didn’t know how to handle it, you weren’t supported in a way that helped you to handle it. And so now you’ve got this stuck energy and emotions inside of your body. And that’s really, really what it is. So that’s why every single person has that. Now, certainly, there’s people that, you know, have experienced really big, traumatic issues, but I think of like, really how it affects our nervous system, because everything goes back to the health of our nervous system. The health of our nervous system is our physical health. It’s our emotional health, it’s our mental health, everything goes back to the nervous system. So really, everything goes back to the trauma that we’ve experienced and how we have dealt with it or not dealt with it, and how we continue to deal with it or we don’t so if we’re that type of person that’s like no, I don’t have any trauma, everything’s fine. But you you know, have a lot of health issues, right? You know, you’re that type of person. I don’t have any trauma and everything’s fine but my hormones are completely out of whack and I don’t know why. You know, I eat healthy I do all these things. I take care of myself, you know, whatever. I have a great job. I have great this whatever it is But you haven’t done you know, any of like the the nervous system maintenance work, that could be an issue. Like I think of our nervous system, almost like if you can imagine a, you know, a cup of water. And every time something happens, we get a little bit more water on that cup. So maybe something big happens, you get a big chunk of water. But even in your whole life, something little happens, something little happens in the water is just filling up filling up filling up. And we don’t have any way to release that because we’ve never been taught these things. And it’s not really common knowledge. Well, one day that cup is going to runneth over. And then when that happens, that’s where we get all of these issues in our system. You know, that’s where we start to get the health issues like even autoimmune disorders, things that doctors say, oh, there’s no reason for this. And there’s no care for that. Well, that’s not exactly true. Right. But you know, it’s really because our systems become overloaded, they’ve come dysregulated they’re out of whack. And that’s really kind of what’s underlying everything. So it’s a huge, huge topic.
Christine Garvin 5:57
Absolutely. And I’m I like that some of the research is starting to catch up, particularly with autoimmunity, right, where they’re finding, you know, 70% 80% of people that do have autoimmunity have, you know, definitive trauma that they can connect to in their childhood, and because like you said, it doesn’t be things don’t come out of the blue, our body’s not here to attack us, right? It is a response to what’s held in our system. And I was thinking about when you talked about, you know, when we get caught, like, I even think about that as an adult, where you get caught in your emotion, because we have to kind of do that a lot in our lives, right in our daily lives where we can’t necessarily, if we’re at work, or with our family, in that moment, sort of see our way all the way through an emotion, right, so we kind of push it down. And so it just kind of keeps, like you said, building on that water that was already in that cup, right? And it’s like, we really have to learn a different way and to be able to catch ourselves in the act, right to make those changes. So can you speak to your story, and because I know that you have dealt with autoimmune illness and kind of how you found your way on this path?
Kelly Kristin 7:13
Yeah, so I, I definitely what you just said about, there’s a reason that we have these autoimmune issues, right. So I guess at this point, it was probably about eight, eight years ago, I had just left a very traumatic and abusive relationship. And at the time, I was like, Okay, I’m, I’m free, I’m just gonna go on and live my life and everything’s gonna be fine. Like, we’re so glad I’m out of that. Yes. And then very quickly, it was like, no, no, you’re not fine. And my body started freaking out. And so I had, you know, rapid weight gain, like I gained 25 pounds, and maybe like, a month or two, something crazy. And I had always been pretty healthy person, you know, athletic, always my whole life. And, you know, my hair was falling out, I was having night terrors, like, I couldn’t sleep at night, you know, I was like, just it was, it was just one thing after the next after the next. And I was just really, really trying for me, and I’m like, Okay, let me go to the doctor and get everything checked out. So of course, I go get my hormones done. Then I got all this stuff down. And I’m going in, I’m seeing all like the typical doctors and everything. And it turns out, okay, I have two autoimmune disorders. They, they tagged me with thyroid, and also PCOS, and basically said, Here you go, you’re gonna have to be on these seven medications for the rest of your life, you’re gonna be overweight forever. You know, don’t ever think about having a baby, like all of these things that they tell you, Oh, and you’re depressed. Like, it was just the craziest. And I’m sitting there all the time. I’m in my 20s. And I’m looking at this doctor. And I just said, no, no, I’m not. This is crazy. Let’s look at what you’re trying to prescribe me right now. Now to back up a little bit. I, I was a nurse previously. So I had a very a lot of knowledge around, you know exactly what they were prescribing exactly what they were saying to me. And in that moment, it was everything in my body was just saying, you know, this has nothing to do with that. You know, you know, there’s something else under here. And so I just said, No, I’m not doing it. And I really from that point that I’m going to figure out how to actually heal this. He’s, I don’t want to have a bandaid over what’s going on. I want to actually heal what’s happening. So I actually went into health coaching, because I was like, You know what, I’ve got to heal my gut. I’ve got to heal. You know, I’ve got to get my diet, right. I’ve got to do all these things, because I definitely had, you know, severe leaky gut issues and all of these things, right. So I went to help coaching school, I did all this stuff. And it was actually within my health coaching program, that they were like, well, you know, the foods that you eat are important. Obviously, but our primary foods are, you know, your relationships and you know what you’re doing in your everyday life and all of these things. And I thought, oh, man, like, my primary foods have been pretty, pretty messed up. But at that point in my life, I really wasn’t in the place where I was ready to touch that that trauma that I had been through, and the healing of the gut and the healing of the foods, you know, it was doing well, for me, it should, you know, I was I was definitely having some positive benefits from that. And then I started getting really into the subconscious mind and how the subconscious mind works. And I started realizing, you know, the power of our thoughts and the power of our beliefs. And I was really also, you know, it was like a parallel thing that was happening, I was trying to heal my body, but also figure out how was it that I ended up in this kind of relationship that I was in, how did I end up this kind of person, you know, it was just this really, really massive amount of self discovery for me. So once I started going down the subconscious, mind, rabbit hole, and I was like, Okay, I’m going to become a hypnotherapist, and I’m going to, you know, do NLP. And I’m going to just second and I started doing more and more and more and learning more and more and more. And it’s so everything led me deeper and led me deeper. And let me deeper in while I was healing and everything. It wasn’t until I got to the place where I started healing the trauma, that actually my body was able to fully heal, to the point like I don’t have those autoimmune disorders anymore, like they don’t show up, my hormones are fine, everything’s fine, I’m at a healthy weight, I’ve my body feels good, I feel good, my hair looks good. Again, all of these things my body was able to heal, when it was really all of it. And now I will tell you this, this is interesting as well. When I first started in the gut healing journey, and everything, of course, I’m having no gluten, no dairy, very minimal sugar, like all of these things that you do. And now I’m able to eat absolutely anything I want. Now, of course, I don’t like eat, you know, I a healthy person, I don’t like to eat a bunch of junk food all day long. Because that’s just going to make me feel good. Everything’s about how I feel. But I can do absolutely anything I want. And my body is fine. It doesn’t have the reactions that I had. Because I was able to go to that deeper level with healing of like, really the trauma, and we’re talking about, again, healing, the trauma, it’s healing of the nervous system. And once you can do that, and once you can get to that level, I mean, everything else kind of cascades from there.
Christine Garvin 12:34
Right. So all right, well, and you know, I say a lot to my clients, you know, if we lived throughout much of history, you know, if you sort of lived in, let’s say not the poorest of lifestyles, that you could probably eat anything, because the level of things that are causing trauma to our body are so much higher now, you know, but really, this state of constant stress, that, you know, all of my clients that come to me are under so many women that I talked to, and you know, like you said, it goes back to this nervous system. And really, you know, I talk a lot about the brain and the hypothalamus and pituitary glands. And they are the masters of our endocrine system, right. So if you’re talking thyroid issues with so many women have, you know, you gotta get back to the brain, if you’re talking cortisol issues, you know, our stress hormone, you gotta go back to the brain. If you’re talking ovary issues, you gotta go back to the brain, right? Because it’s like, again, and again, our brain is going to take all these things in as the stressful situations that we’re having to, like you talked about earlier, fight or flight, be in that kind of constantly. So it’s going to focus on that cortisol output. And then, you know, eventually it has a mechanism that will bring that cortisol down. And so here we are, with underlying trauma that we’re not looking at, and that’s keeping us stuck in that state. Right. And that’s where I think so many women, you know, even they’re like, Okay, I’ve started to do my 10 minute meditation today, you know, that kind of thing. And they’re like, it’s still not changing things in that. And I’m like, Yeah, because you’re still the your subconscious, this whole thing that’s going on underneath here keeping you stuck in that state. Yeah. Do you want to speak to that a little bit?
Kelly Kristin 14:30
Yeah, absolutely. So one of the things I think that most people don’t realize is that we get addicted to emotional states, just like you can get addicted to anything else. And so if you’re somebody, especially women, like we’ve had a particularly tough time because now as women we’re expected to do so much in our society, you know, it’s like we’re the Boss Babes. And we’re those super moms and like, all of this stuff, side hustles. Right. And if you think about that energy all of the time, that’s just like, that’s your all. on all of the time you’re on and you’re going and you’re going, and you’re going, you’re going. And that’s completely that fight or flight response all of the time. And you can only burn that for so long before your body goes, No, we’re not. We’re not doing this anymore. Like, why do you think burnout is such a huge issue? Yeah. Because as women, you know, we’re really we’re not built for that, like men are men are like, there aren’t differences between men and women, hormonally, yes, you know, we are not built to be on all the time, every single day show up the same way. That’s just not how our hormones are. So you can meditate for 10 minutes a day. But if you know the other 23 hours and 50 minutes of the day, you’re going here, you’re doing this, you got to get this and you got to get this and it’s just pressure, pressure pressure all day long. Well, that 10 minutes is not really going to do very much. Right.
Christine Garvin 15:48
And that 10 minutes is often done this other thing to add to the list to get done to
Kelly Kristin 15:52
Right, exactly. Right. Right. And if the whole time during the 10 minutes, you’re like, What is this over? What is this? What is this? And I get it, because I’ve been there? Yeah, I’ve been there for sure. Yeah. But it’s just it’s it’s a whole new way to learn to live really went and this is we have to get off like the roller coaster of the the emotional rollercoaster that a lot of us are on, you know, in my my practice and who I help people with their relationships. Because relationships are really so important. I don’t care like you can have the most perfect diet in the world, you can be doing everything right. But I promise you promise you if you come home to a toxic relationship, and your body is in a state of I’m afraid of this person on some level, like not consciously but subconsciously like on a neuro ception level, which means we don’t even process it, our nervous system just picks up that this person is unsafe for me, you’re in an unsafe environment, I do not care how perfect everything else is, you are not going to be well, like you might be well for a certain amount of time. But there’s only so much that your body can take. And this is why like we have these issues, you think about the pandemic. And you think about all the people that were tapped into like the news constantly. And it’s just fear, fear, fear, fear constantly. Well, it’s no wonder that now that all these people are having all of these issues, because our body is not meant to be in a perpetual state of fear. Right? You know, so really, so much of it has to come down to like, what are you consciously choosing for yourself, and the people that have really, really been in the state of the perpetual chaos and that like, you know, those heightened emotions, our whole life, I will tell you this is a lot of work, it’s a lot of work to, you know, get get into a place where you can actually be in your body. Because the times that we are really activated, the times where we’re in that sympathetic response, we’re completely in our head, we’re not in our body at all. And this is actually how we survive. Because if you think about it, if in my environment, I’m perceiving a threat, well, I have to be tuned into that threat, I have to know what it’s doing, I have to be predicting I have to, that’s the only thing my brain can focus on. And my brain is like full supercharged power. Well, that doesn’t allow me to be in my body. Right? And when I’m not in my body, I’m losing so much of the wisdom of like, what is actually going on, you know, so many people that are stuck on that emotional roller coaster, and in that emotional chaos. They don’t even realize they’re there. Because they’re not in touch with their body. You know, if you ask them, How are you actually feeling? They have no idea. They’re like, I don’t know, like, what is feeling like I am fine. And then if you get into the place where you do have a quiet moment, or something like that, well, most of the time, those people that don’t know how to be with themselves and be in their body, they are, you know, the people that are going though having, you know, you sit down in the meditation, and you have the overthinking thoughts constantly, right? You get on your phone, you start scrolling, you start shopping aimlessly, maybe you’re drinking, I don’t know, whatever it is that you’re doing, but you’re doing. Yeah, you’re doing anything to not be in your body and to be present with what’s real. Yeah. And that’s really like where that healing work. And that practice is, is getting back into your body. Because that’s, that’s where everything stems from, you know, our mind. It’s great. But you can do so much more with the wisdom of your
Christine Garvin 19:12
body. Absolutely. And I just have a little story that happened with me the other day. And you know, I just want to point out to everybody that’s listening. I’ve been working on this for years, and I still go into Let me push this away and keep moving forward. Right? Like that is part of my no and so I really have to catch myself, you know. And so I as anybody who’s listened to the podcast for a while knows that I had a fibroid that led to dramatic, almost, you know, I almost died from fibroid removal surgery. And so everything around if I ever feel sort of any pains in my uterus, at this point, I like freak out, you know, I mean, it’s getting better but it’s still I’m very aware of that and And you know, sometimes I, that’s where I’ll start to run, right, because there’s PTSD from everything that the fibroid represents and the trauma, surgeries and everything. But, you know, I sat there and I stopped myself, I was starting to do something. And then I stopped, I said, I’m just going to sit down, and literally put my hand over top of my uterus, and just listen. Right? I just wanted to hear what the message was. And, you know, in that moment, it was what came to me was loneliness. Right. And that is definitely something that I have run from a feeling I’ve run from so many times in my life, and I think many of us do, right? We don’t want to feel loneliness, even though that is part of being human. You know, and that’s, we, we can fill up all this time now, right? We can get on our phones, we can do this, like, we don’t have that quietness, where we necessarily have to sink into that. But the sinking into that, guess what? That pain was gone. You know, it’s literally it just wanted to express this message to me, you know? And I was like, Oh, yes, like, I have to remember this. Every time this comes out, you know, any of these pants come up? There’s a message to tell us if we sit there and listen.
Kelly Kristin 21:20
Absolutely, absolutely. And I think it’s so important, and specifically what you’re talking about, like fibroids and our uterus, and like women at women, we hold a lot of the trauma we’ve been through in our hips, you know, in our womb space. That’s where so much of the trauma actually is. And there’s, there’s many reasons for that. But you know, one of the primary reasons is, that’s where our root chakra is. And if you think about the chakra system, and your root chakra, that’s like safety, and you think about women, and how often we feel unsafe in our society, even if again, even if you are a person that hasn’t been through a huge amount of trauma, or whatever. And that’s your perception, that’s fine. But you know, just a woman walking down the street by herself in a city, you have to be early, you know, you have to. And so you think about those kinds of things. And you think about why is it that so many women have fibroids or cysts or all of these, you know, endometriosis, like, PCOS, all of these issues all of the time? Why is it so common? You know, and of course, yes, there’s something to say about the things that we put in our foods. There’s something to say about all the chemicals we interact with, like Yes, sure. Okay. Yeah. And, and a big reason why that affects us is because of the trauma that is stored there. You know, because if you think about your system as an overall, if you really were, you know, taking care of your emotions, taking care of your nervous system, and you have practices to help you release the emotions on a regular basis, well, you would actually be able to handle a lot more of like the other toxic stuff, and your body would be able to process it because it has space to do that. Yes. Right. So that’s why it’s like it really all does go together. It’s not like one thing is the cause it’s everything that is the cause. Yes. But but really the maintenance of the nervous system. What I love about, you know, even bringing this up is that everybody can do that, you know, everybody can learn how to sit with their emotions. Everybody can learn how to ground into the space that you’re in how to, you know, when you feel yourself going in that response, like you were talking about, like, oh, I want to run from this. Well, actually becoming aware of that, oh, here’s that pattern. Okay, let me actually intentionally break this pattern. Let me sit with it. Let me just be with it. Let me know. Like, tell myself it’s okay. Yeah. You know, like, loneliness. That’s an okay, feeling sadness. Okay, I feel sad. Okay, great. Let me just allow myself to feel this instead of going out. How do I not feel sad right now, right? You know, so many women come to be like, you know, obviously, coming out of these toxic relationships, and they’re like, Kelly, you know, how do I get over this right now? Like, I just want to feel better right now. And I’m like, like, like, hey, no, you actually have to feel what’s going on, you actually have to feel what’s going on, you actually have to be with your sadness, you have to be with all of these emotions, not to dwell in them. Right, right. Because I think that that’s the fear. And that’s fine. There are so many people that, you know, you’ve clients of mine, I’m like, Okay, we need to go into this emotion. And it’s like, they want to come up with every excuse or reason as to why this is not, you know, oh, I don’t want to get stuck in this or I don’t want to do this or I want you know, before because I was depressed. Yeah, well, you were depressed before because you actually weren’t allowing yourself to feel the emotion. Depression is really what happens when your nervous system has been so overworked for so long. And basically, you go into a free state and you’re disconnected from yourself, you’re disconnected from life, you’re disconnected from everything and now you feel depressed. Yeah. That’s, you know, that’s because you haven’t allowed yourself to feel processes emotions. So really the feeling and the processing is the antithesis of depression. Yeah. But we don’t allow ourselves to go there because of the fear in the stories that we make things mean. Yeah. And you know, even if you’re feeling the emotion like for you, Christina, if you had gone into that loneliness feeling that you were feeling and you had a whole story about how, oh my gosh, you were lonely, and you’re always going to be lonely, and that was just it. And this is how you’re always going to feel, well, that feeling would have just kept persisting, persisting, persisting, right, like you just you let yourself feel it. And you let yourself go, oh, okay, everyone feels this way. Sometimes this is a part of life. And your body was able to go Yeah, right. Like, let’s let that go. Now. Yeah. And that’s what what actually lets it go is just being with it, and not telling a story about what it means. And I think, even if anybody listening to this, like, if you did nothing else for the rest of your life, no healing work at all, but just said, I’m actually going to intentionally listen to my emotions and let them be there and not make myself wrong and not make a story about it. I promise you, you’ll have positive effects on your life.
Christine Garvin 26:01
So good. So true. And as you were talking about, I was thinking about, you know, I think this is probably what a lot of women go into maybe, especially if we dealt with depression when we were younger, right, particularly, maybe teenage years, things like that, like, I can think back to those hard teenage years and maybe early 20s, you know, and there, I didn’t have any tools. At that time, I didn’t know how to process emotion. So yes, it spiraled out because of the stories that were with it, right. And so that simple, what you just said, you know, simple, but not easy. My flip right? To not go into the stories is what’s so key, but also trusting yourself. Right? Trusting that at this point in your life, that you can handle in a different way. Because you do have some tools, even if you’re just starting this work, you know, you have tools that you didn’t maybe before, you know, and that really Yes, just like that breathing into your body takes you out of the head story space, and allows your body you know, to speak to you. And it’s it’s so funny, because it feels like it should be a lot more complicated than that. But it’s really not right. This is you know, and I definitely want to talk about some of the more of the, you know, tools that you utilize. But yeah, I just if you know, people don’t take anything else from this episode, taking that, and just really practicing that, like you said, I think is it’s life changing, you know, and is mind blowing when you actually allow it to occur.
Kelly Kristin 27:38
Absolutely, absolutely. I think that, you know, nervous system, when you start to work with your nervous system, and like, do the maintenance work, like I’m talking to you about it can seem like a really big overwhelming thing, how am I going to do that. And it’s, and to your point, it’s simple, not always easy. But it’s absolutely simple. It’s literally just allowing yourself to be allowing, and certainly there’s different work that has to be done. Like if you’re somebody who has never ever felt safe in your life, because you grew up in a totally chaotic household, and you’ve just had chaos, chaos chaos, your whole life, we do have to sort of like, build the engine of the car to be able to feel safe, because if you get in the car, and there’s no engine where you’re gonna go, right, so we got to build the engine, a little bit of safety, but you know, it’s not impossible to get there. But that’s really, you know, the main focus is getting to a place where you can feel safe, because if you can feel safe, and then you can process well now we’re at the space where we’re releasing, and that’s really where the magic is.
Christine Garvin 28:35
Yes, so good. So what are some of the other approaches that you use with your clients to you know, get them from point A to point B.
Kelly Kristin 28:45
So, I’ve developed my own healing method, which I call Ice, ice and it stands for the right information, subconscious change and embodiment and send me this is like the three pieces that we really need to transform. So you need a certain amount of information right? Because obviously you need to know what’s going on like if health coaching client is coming to you or something like that they need a certain amount of information about what’s happening, right people that come to me that need a certain amount of information about relationships about you know, how, you know, toxic relationships, anything like you need a certain amount of information. But I find most people get into information overload. So this is why I call it the right information because there’s you don’t need a ton. You don’t need to like read 800 books, you don’t need to know every little thing about how the body works. You don’t need to know every little thing about you know, why I talk a lot about in my practice about you know, people become obsessed with narcissists and learning about the narcissist and learning about every little thing that they do and every little thing and all the reasons why. And I they come to me and I’m like, throw all that out the window exactly. Doesn’t matter at all. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t look like you’re learning all this information about somebody else. What about you? We need to feel you it’s not about them. Right. And so they come in information overload, and they know all of these things, but nothing’s changed. They’re like, they don’t feel any better. Right? So it’s about the right information. And then subconscious change. So as I said, I’m a Hypnotherapist. That’s primarily where I do the subconscious change work, because our beliefs are largely subconscious. And what we believe inside is what we’re going to see outside, you know, our beliefs are really what our is dictating our reality. And, you know, there was Bruce Lipton wrote a book many years ago called The Biology of Belief. And our beliefs actually affect our DNA, not only you know, what we’re seeing in our reality, but they affect our DNA, actually, what’s going on inside of our bodies. So belief change, work is so important. Now, for me, a lot of you know, the belief change work we’re doing is around being worthy around being lovable. You think about relationships. And you think about how so many relationships are set up as a way it’s a vehicle for, I mean, it shouldn’t be this way, but it is this way, a vehicle for us to have to prove our worth, right. Like, if I do this, this, this and this, then this person will love me because you know, they’ll deem me worthy, and then I’ll, then I’ll be left, and I’ll be in a relationship. And so when we have the belief inside of something like I’m not enough as I am, well, I am going to constantly seek out partners that reinforce that belief, because how your subconscious works is that it’s always right, whatever you believe in your mind, you will see in your reality, because you want to be validated, you’re not going to make yourself a liar, you’re not going to make yourself wrong. So with inside your mind, the story is, I’m not enough, or nobody wants me, well, then you’re gonna be in relationships where that person constantly reflects to you that you’re not enough, you’re gonna want to be in a relationship with somebody who really doesn’t choose you or really doesn’t makes you feel wanted, you know, not because you’re not worthy of that. But that’s because that’s who you were choosing based on your subconscious beliefs. So we’ve got the change what’s happening in your subconscious, this is really imperative for everybody, because it’s not just our relationships with I think relationships are of the utmost importance in our life, just because of how many things they affect, but it’s everything you know, it’s like how you’re doing at work, it’s your friendships, you know, it’s the quality of life that you’re having is based off the beliefs of like, what you even believe that you can have what you believe is possible for you. All of these things are in our subconscious, like we have a subconscious blueprint for just about everything, you know. So it’s really, really important that we do the subconscious change work. And then the final piece is embodiment. embodiment is where I use this as kind of an umbrella term to say, of the body. The embodiment work is where we’re actually doing the nervous system repair, and release and building resiliency, to meet all of those. So you have to be able to release, my favorite ways of releasing is really through breath work. And like full Holotropic breathwork, where we’re doing like 25 minute breathing sessions, and really clearing out the energy of your body. Because breathwork, for me, has been such a powerful, powerful practice, I’ve personally been utilizing it for about seven years of my own healing journey. And I have never found anything more powerful to it’s almost like a nervous system reset, where you’re clearing out the old and then you’re building capacity for more, because, you know, as we’re talking about, like that cup filling up and running over well, how do we release breathwork is a way that we can kind of clear some of that old stuff out. And what’s nice about this and very different from like a traditional therapy route or something is like, you don’t have to sit there and talk about what happened to you to release that out of your body. Right. And I think that, you know, there’s even a lot of studies that show that it’s not helpful to go to therapy and talk about what happened to you and talk about all the bad stuff, because that is like reinforcing it. And then you’re actually locking it further in your body. Because as you’re telling these stories, you’re usually feeling those feelings. And now you’re reinforcing it over and over and over again, something like breathwork can absolutely help us clear it out so that we don’t have to talk about it anymore. But we actually just feel better, we feel lighter, right? Then there’s more directed forms. So obviously, that’s not going to be like a catch all for everything. Right. So I do also somatic experiencing, where we go to the actual root of a feeling an issue that you’ve had this repetitive trigger that you’ve had in your life and we work through it from the beginning, you allow yourself to process what you couldn’t process. And this is really powerful because now you’re getting your body out of that loop. Right. You’re getting your body. You know, when we’ve been through things that are traumatic, we have repetition compulsion, where essentially, our system wants to work out of it, right they want it wants to work out of it. but it just puts us in situations over and over and over again to be able to bring the trauma to completion. But if we don’t have the tools to bring it to completion, we end up just getting stuck in that trauma loop over and over and over again. So when we go back to our original incident, and we allow you to work through the emotions, they’re in a place of safety. Well, now you don’t have to, like, compulsively go back to that feeling anymore, because your body’s already processed it
Christine Garvin 35:24
right. Yeah. So I am a huge fan of somatic therapy for everything that you just said, you know, it’s like, the issues are in our tissues. It’s like, we got to process that out. And I can imagine, you know, yep, pairing that with a breath work. And then hypnotherapy. Yeah, I can see how that’s like, such a beautiful, you know, process to bring all that together and really take people to the next level. So that’s super cool. And one thing I was thinking about when you were talking about the right information, you know, this isn’t exactly the same as you were saying, because what you were talking about was, you know, worrying about sort of other people narcissism and being sociopath and things like that, but although I love them, things like the Enneagram, and these different personality, typing tests, right, people can get really caught up in that too, right? It’s like, Oh, my God, I’m just learning all this information, all this information, but you’re not getting anywhere with it. Right? You’re not moving forward with a The purpose is to sort of understand that so that you can evolve, not so that you’re just like, wow, I’m a four. So this is what I you know,
Kelly Kristin 36:33
right? Putting yourself inside of this box. Yeah, you know, I feel the same way about, you know, even things like attachment theory, which I think is useful in a lot of ways. However, people are, like, coming to me that I’m anxiously attached. And this is how it is. And I’m like, Okay, do you want to be that? Well, okay, well, then stop saying that, and it’s not like enforcing it, right? That this is how you are, and this is how it’s gonna be. Right? Like, things can be useful. And you can learn but anything that you’re saying, This is who I am, this is me, this is it. I really be cautious with that. Because it’s like putting yourself into the box and saying, like, oh, you know, you might have tendencies to act a certain way. And that’s fine. We all do. Right. But to say, this is like, this is the box that I fit in. It’s so limiting. And why don’t we I don’t know why we have this tendency, I think it has to do with like, we need an identity to identify yourself as Yeah, but when you really come to a place of like, deeper understand that your identity is always changing. And it’s really what you choose for yourself. That’s a much more powerful place to be rather than, Oh, I’m a I’m a four and I’m, you know, avoid it. And this and that, you know, and again, all these tools are useful. Like I love astrology. I just Yes. So fun. I love it. It’s like a little side hobby of mine. Yeah. But I’m not like, oh, my gosh, Mercury Retrograde is here. And I can’t do this. And I can’t do that. And I can’t, you know, like, why? It’s not that serious.
Christine Garvin 37:57
Right? Absolutely. It’s, it is so limiting. And, again, a lot of that is kind of a little bit not to, you know, offend anybody, but a little bit of mental masturbation is what we can get into with that. Right. And so again, we’re here we are stuck in our heads versus getting into our bodies. And I definitely think there’s a lot of great information that we can learn from that. But then like, Okay, how are you using that information to change rather than to stay the same? Because you’re not happy being avoidant? or what have you, you know, so Right. Yeah, right.
Kelly Kristin 38:29
Yeah. Anything about the amount of information? If information was going to heal you? We would, we would free person
Christine Garvin 38:37
would be like, exactly right. Soon as the internet took off.
Kelly Kristin 38:42
Yeah, but we don’t have an information is issue, we have an integration issue. Yeah. And the integration can only happen in your body, it doesn’t happen in your mind. Because, you know, you think about this, you can read a book about swimming. And you can, you know, understand how to swim from this book. But do you know how to swim, if you just get in that water and try it, it’s gonna be a very, very different thing. But that’s what we do. You know, there’s, I don’t know how many personal development self help books there are out in the world. I mean, millions at this point, probably Yeah. And you can read all of those books. But if you’re not integrating any of that into your body really doesn’t matter. And so that that’s really where I’m passionate about coming into the integration of it and actually changing what needs to change inside of our system, so that you can you know, what I call, you know, be a woman who thrives and a woman who drives to me as a woman who has really high self worth, who knows herself, who loves herself, and thrives in all areas, you know, not just in her relationships, but thrives. Just goodness, how much joy that she has, you know, because she’s happy with where she is in who she is, and what she has, you know, while working towards what she wants, right? That’s that’s a really big aspect for me.
Christine Garvin 39:55
And it’s so important right now in history, I believe. You know, for women to really deeply understand their self worth, and all of the things that they can do, and the give and take, which has been so much give, give, give, give give as a woman throughout history, right, and now it’s time to, you know, level that out not saying you can’t give it all because I know sometimes women are like, well, children, but you know, of course, like, but there is a lot more taking in that needs to happen at this point, you know, to really, like you said earlier for our systems to balance, you know, for our health to get better, because our bodies were not made to do that giving all the time and all these areas, and you’re not going to get happiness, I think most women want to feel energy and to feel happy, right? Those are kind of the two biggest things, right? I mean, there’s lots of other things that they may think that they want, but those are kind of the overarching things. And as you’re not going to get that from all this giving all the time, you know, right. So it’s like that create, like that deeper sense of connecting to yourself worth that’s going to say, Oh, it’s okay for me to take in. And it’s necessary for me to take in, you know, and, and so yeah, I just feel like we are in this time to really shift things for the future of women to by doing this work ourselves.
Kelly Kristin 41:20
Absolutely. I think healing and doing this work for yourself is a greatest gift. And you know, to the women out there that feel like oh, I don’t have the time or it’s selfish for me to work on myself or whatever. Think about how different you are when you give because of a place of I’m so full, so full, and I have so much to give versus I’m so empty, and I’m going to run myself dry. Those are two completely different energies. And it’s really actually selfish to give from the place where you are so dry. That’s actually selfish. Like, because now look at what you continue to create and your family life. Look at the energy you continue to create in the world. Yeah, yeah. What’s not selfish is doing the work to be that woman that has high self worth to know what you deserve to stand in your power there. And then the ripple effect that that creates out into the world, that’s massive, that’s the last day
Christine Garvin 42:14
and you’re teaching your children that to you know, not just the girls, but the boys too. And, you know, whoever your children identify, like you are showing that this is what is is not only Okay, but what is necessary, right. And so, what part of the huge part of the issues then, generations have been taught this other thing, we just continue to pass on this message of women giving, giving, giving for all time, you know, and we over that now. Like, time, right? Oh, my goodness, well, this was such an amazing conversation. I know that some women listening to this are gonna totally want to work with you. So tell them how they can get in
Kelly Kristin 42:59
touch. You know, so you can find me on Instagram. I miss Kelly, Kristen, it’s Ms. Kelly, Kristen, you can find me on my website, which is Kelly, Kristen training.com. Just hit me in the DMS that’s the best place to kind of start a conversation and see what I’m
Christine Garvin 43:14
up to. And you work one on one with people.
Kelly Kristin 43:18
I work one on one, I do groups, I have hypnotherapy based programs that you can just get into and start working on some of this yourself if you want to. Really I think, you know, my, my worthy woman workshop is where I have everyone start. It’s like a very low cost workshop. That’s about increasing your self worth and really, you know, hitting on the big wounds that we all have of not being enough and healing that through hypnotherapy. It’s really powerful. And that that’s something that just I feel like every human needs you know, recognizing the worth is not outside of you. Like there’s no magic man in the sky that’s going to come down and go now you’re worthy thing. It’s just it exists, you have it already. It’s really being able to tap that tap into that. And I also want to say to like what you were talking about, I want the happiness I want the energy that also comes from inside you the energy you want to feel as your own, not someone else’s. The happiness you want to feel is your own, not someone else’s. You actually already have that within you. It’s learning how to cultivate it. And that’s what really really is, you know, your own energy heals you your own love heals you. It’s you. And it’s such a powerful thing. It’s not outside of you. Oh, that’s what I want to leave everyone. I’m
Christine Garvin 44:30
like, I love it goosebumps so good. Yeah. Well, I so appreciate this conversation with you today. It was so so good. And I know a lot of the listeners are gonna get so much out of it. So
Kelly Kristin 44:41
thank you so much for having me. It’s been a pleasure, Christine.
Christine Garvin 44:44
Absolutely. Okay, you guys I will see you next time.